Ever wonder why people have a personality change at midlife, sometimes called a midlife crisis?  Why does the mild mannered gentleman in your office suddenly quit his job and go off sailing around the world? Why does a formerly passive woman start speaking more assertively or even start expressing anger?

Carl Jung, a famous Swiss psychiatrist, said that we all have parts of ourselves that we disown, parts of our personalities that are hidden to us. This he called the Shadow.  Most often aspects of our personality that are contained in the Shadow are ones we judge personally or as a society to be negative or undesirable.  Often it is the opposite of how we see ourselves or how we’d like others to see us.

For example, if you are known as a patient person, almost saintly, impatience may be lurking in your Shadow.  When that behavior appears in an abrupt and disruptive way, you might think, “I’m not myself today” and feel confused as to why you were acting that way. You might feel contrite and vow never to act this way again, but unless you accept and acknowledge that this too is a part of your personality and learn to work with it, it might pop up again in unexpected ways.

Why? Shadow aspects insist on coming into consciousness, NOT to disrupt one’s life, but to BALANCE it.  It’s almost as if the harder you try to deny these parts of yourself, the more they fight for inclusion in your life. The fear is that if we accept and acknowledge negative aspects of ourselves that our lives will become chaotic, our families and friendships ruined, and our self-esteem left in tatters.

The opposite is true. If we don’t accept and acknowledge Shadow aspects, they will either run or ruin your life. There’s a lot of power in these disowned aspect simply because they are repressed or outside our awareness, thus not under conscious control. Their power and energy can be harnessed for good when we accept those parts of ourselves, bring them into consciousness, and use them judiciously. It’s like adding more tools to our toolbox of life.

For example, if your Shadow contains anger aspects, those may come in handy when you feel an injustice had occurred and you need energy to fight for a resolution. The power to take action to right a wrong can be drawn from that angry aspect.  If an injustice has
occurred and you cannot tap into that energy to use directly and positively, the consequences may be that you feel victimized and helpless to do anything about it, thus leading to depression or low self-esteem.
Also, Shadow aspects are what we tend to project onto other people To get an idea of what might be in your Shadow, think about the behaviors or attitudes about “other people” that most annoys you or about which you are most judgmental. Do you “hate” passivity, dependence, self-righteousness, or opinionated people? What we can’t stand in other people might be just the thing we’re unaware of or are denying in ourselves. If we did acknowledge and accept that we too sometimes thought, felt, or acted these ways, we might not be so quick to judge and condemn those traits in others. Just as individual people do, entire nations can have their Shadow aspects too.

So, the “bad news” is we all contain the opposite aspects of our conscious personality in some form. The good news is as we mature and accept and acknowledge those parts of ourselves, we can integrate them into a more balanced personality and chose when and how to express them. It’s a humbling experience to face and learn about your Shadow aspects, but ultimately empowering to integrate them into your life toolbox.